The Spotted Bass -

Don's Dynamic Diary

Dear Diary:
The NBA Draft, widely revered the second biggest waste of television behind only the Chris Berman nickname-a-thon that is the NFL Draft, came to a close four months ago in New York City. Not without the normal dose of intrigue, of course, as big names were shipped cross-country, a geriatric went first, and the fact that someone actually drafted Josh McRoberts. But in the end, there were still clear cut winners and losers.

I know not who the winners are, as the NBA doesn't much excite me and I didn't watch the whole thing. I assume the Blazers will improve, even though it took them a month to decide that Greg Oden was the pick. Even after that month they still needed the five remaining minutes to choose. I don't get it. It could not have come down to those final moments, ending with a befuddled GM sweating and just blurting out, "The tall one! Just pick the tall one!" I am, however, 100% percent sure that Stephen A. Smith was the big loser. That guy sucks.

I must admit, usually I am fairly excited as the draft approaches because it is always enjoyable to see where the local talent will end up. Unfortunately, this is not the 90's, and Kentucky, Louisville, and Indiana all failed to place anyone in the draft. But I wonder, would if they had…

Lukasz Obrzut, C, 7'1'', Kentucky (Cleveland, 1st Round): Despite the hours of "Wooooooo" chants, Portland ultimately decided to pass on the draft's top screener, and the lanky Pole fell all the way to Cleveland. His main duties there include screening for LeBron and hoping he can dunk on the rest of the defense as well as shaving that gross patch of hair on the back of Drew Gooden's head.

Bobby Perry, F, 6'8'', Kentucky (Detroit, 2nd Round): A glance around The Palace for most players would immediately arouse the feelings of greatness, considering the banners and jerseys that hang in the banners. Not Bobby Perry. You know what he sees? Line beards. Line beards for days. Only a city that trashy would accept a North Carolina native with nappy facial hair of his own.

Brad Gianiny, G, 6'1'', Louisville (Utah, 2nd Round): Utah, sticking with their roots, drafted a short white point guard in hopes that he will turn out like John Stockton—or at least Jeff Hornacek. Little do they know that Gianiny is the worst shooter on the planet. Seriously. He's that bad. Did you watch any of his shots last year? He hit the side of the backboard once…like a third grade C-teamer.

Errek Suhr, G, N/A, Indiana (Undrafted): This guy sucked so bad that I don't even want to degrade the NBA by including him in my fake draft. Suhr, armed only with his hellacious party ramp, is famous for being the only player in D-1 college basketball history to steal an inbounds pass before it was put into play.

That does it. The rest of the seniors from these schools were not included because they were so boring. Let's hope we don't have to do this again for a couple of years…

The writer can be reached at don@thespottedbass.com.



Home > Don's Dynamic Diary Don's Dynamic Diary Dear Diary: The NBA Draft, widely revered the second biggest waste of television behind only the Chris Berman nickname-a-thon that is the NFL Draft, came to a close four months ago in New York City. Not without the normal dose of intrigue, of course, as big names were shipped cross-country, a geriatric went first, and the fact that someone actually drafted Josh McRoberts. But in the end, there were still clear cut winners and losers. I know not who the winners are, as the NBA doesn't much excite me and I didn't watch the whole thing. I assume the Blazers will improve, even though it took them a month to decide that Greg Oden was the pick. Even after that month they still needed the five remaining minutes to choose. I don't get it. It could not have come down to those final moments, ending with a befuddled GM sweating and just blurting out, "The tall one! Just pick the tall one!" I am, however, 100% percent sure that Stephen A. Smith was the big loser. That guy sucks. I must admit, usually I am fairly excited as the draft approaches because it is always enjoyable to see where the local talent will end up. Unfortunately, this is not the 90's, and Kentucky, Louisville, and Indiana all failed to place anyone in the draft. But I wonder, would if they had… Lukasz Obrzut, C, 7'1'', Kentucky (Cleveland, 1st Round): Despite the hours of "Wooooooo" chants, Portland ultimately decided to pass on the draft's top screener, and the lanky Pole fell all the way to Cleveland. His main duties there include screening for LeBron and hoping he can dunk on the rest of the defense as well as shaving that gross patch of hair on the back of Drew Gooden's head. Bobby Perry, F, 6'8'', Kentucky (Detroit, 2nd Round): A glance around The Palace for most players would immediately arouse the feelings of greatness, considering the banners and jerseys that hang in the banners. Not Bobby Perry. You know what he sees? Line beards. Line beards for days. Only a city that trashy would accept a North Carolina native with nappy facial hair of his own. Brad Gianiny, G, 6'1'', Louisville (Utah, 2nd Round): Utah, sticking with their roots, drafted a short white point guard in hopes that he will turn out like John Stockton—or at least Jeff Hornacek. Little do they know that Gianiny is the worst shooter on the planet. Seriously. He's that bad. Did you watch any of his shots last year? He hit the side of the backboard once…like a third grade C-teamer. Errek Suhr, G, N/A, Indiana (Undrafted): This guy sucked so bad that I don't even want to degrade the NBA by including him in my fake draft. Suhr, armed only with his hellacious party ramp, is famous for being the only player in D-1 college basketball history to steal an inbounds pass before it was put into play. That does it. The rest of the seniors from these schools were not included because they were so boring. Let's hope we don't have to do this again for a couple of years… The writer can be reached at don@thespottedbass.com.