Don's Dynamic Diary
Dear Diary:
I was going to write my entry ripe with terrifically hilarious “cock” jokes, but that horse has been beaten worse than the booing controversy at UofL…horse. However, my disdain for head Cock Steve Spurrier is at an all-time high. He’s been a thorn in the side of all Wildcat fans, as he has won against the usually lowly bunch from Lexington fourteen of fourteen times. It is now, however, where that streak will be broken and his visor will finally crash to the turf with the blue-clad faithful in a frenzy.
As far back as I can remember UK has been getting stomped by Florida. Not like how Tennessee stomps us, but like when you play a girl in ping-pong and let her have a few points but can’t seem to get on track and she wins. Then, in the rematch, you absolutely have no shame and spike her terrible shots endlessly until one finally bounces up and bloodies her face…that kind of stomped. The kind of stomped that would allow even the best of UK fans to watch and be in awe of how great their offense is, and how they can really roll up seventy on us in no time. The kind of stomped that made it truly embarrassing to listen to Bill Curry and Billy Jack Haskins stumble through a post-game interview. The thing that made it worse was that after the game, you knew that a**hole was listening with a stupid little smirk on his face.
Something about Spurrier’s ego made him want to trounce UK worse than any other team; and he loved talking about it. All the way up until this year he’s been making snide comments about Kentucky and their program, “I thought we did something beating Clemson…then Kentucky did” and “We're a long way off, anyone that watched us tonight (could see). We'd be lucky to be picked fourth in the (SEC) Eastern Division. I'd bet Kentucky and Vandy looked much better than our team tonight. ... We don't play for two and a half weeks, so hopefully we'll make some improvement" or “those guys lick balls.” Whatever it may be, Spurrier has been quick to take shots at UK, and now we have a chance to shove it right down his throat. Of course we’ve had this chance fourteen other times and failed. The funny thing is, while UK is not the 8th best team in the nation, they are certainly better. Spurrier wants to give the Cats no credit for their turnaround, minus the obligatory, “they have a great team” crap. He is absolutely incapable of believing that UK can beat him.
Finally we reach the visor. Besides Spurrier, the only people that wear visors are UofL fans. They use it as a casing for their beautifully bleach-blonded tips that have been perfectly and carefully spiked. Spurrier wears a visor to show just how pretentious he can be. UofL fans even ruined visors for golfers; only the douchey ones wear them anymore. All I want is to see his visor spiked as a reaction to some sort of ills happening to his team at the hands of the mighty Wildcats.
The writer can be reached at don@thespottedbass.com.
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