We Decide 2K7 - Richie Farmer vs. David L. Williams
The Bass-off: Commissioner of Agriculture
Woody’s vote
Hit me with your best ‘stache: Farmer is just a good ol' boy who happened to play in the Elite Eight
There’s really no need to run out the shot clock here. It’s best we get to the point. Former Kentucky basketball player Richie Farmer (R) deserves your vote to keep his position as commissioner of agriculture for three reasons:
1) his last name is Farmer,
2) he led the Wildcats to an Elite Eight appearance in 1992, and
3) he has the best mustache on the planet.
Do you really need anything else to help you decide come November 6? Oh, I guess we should mention all of the great things he’s already done for agriculture in Kentucky. Since Farmer’s hoops-themed campaign run resulted in a landslide victory four years ago, the crop of young basketball talent in Kentucky has grown substantially. Credit goes to the 5’4”, 140-pound commish for producing Division I phenoms such as Stuart Miller, Bud Mackey, Preston Knowles, and Scotty Hopson.
Most voters are unaware that the Department of Agriculture is responsible for every gas pump in the state as well as every youth who hopes to avoid pumping gas by making it big in basketball. No one has done a better job manning our tanks and guarding our basketballs than Richie Farmer. Did I mention he was one play away from being in the Final Four? The guy used to share a locker room with Gimel Martinez for God’s sake. Vote for him.
Don’s vote
We need brains, we need progress, we need David L. Williams
You know, I could come up with some philosophical rant about why you should vote for David L. Williams (D). But why shouldn’t I just leave that up to David L. Williams himself? Here’s what David L. Williams is going to do for Kentucky, right from the mouth of David L. Williams.
David L. Williams on energy independence:
Take all natural gas out of all the houses in the United States and put it in every vehicles, car, truck, tractor, fire equipment, and everything and these people that come up with alcohol and all that is a bunch of dammed idiots.
David L. Williams on how to improve our state legislative system:
Get rid of all your state senators and your state representatives and replaces them with all 120 county judges. The 25 top counties make them the state senators, and then the 95 other state representatives. Then you take all that money and put it back in the counties. You don’t need them (legislators) up there because they don’t do nothing anyways.
David L. Williams on movies:
Tell everyone to watch the George Patton movie, because I am going to run it like that. People say I can’t do it, but If I’m elected I’m going to be there fighting and trying to do it. They had better watch the George Patton movie because that is the way I am going to run the department. I’m not obligated to nobody but God, I’m not a politician, just call me an SOB.
David L. Williams on getting drunk and making incoherent statements:
I’m against alcohol; they are taking the feed away from the animal you eat, your pigs, chickens, ducks, cows, and everything.
David L. Williams on punching Richie Farmer:
I’ll do my damnest to make it number one. I know how to play the game, I know how to get thing done. I never forgot the things I did as an old farm boy. I know what I’m doing.
There you have it, folks. If you want progressive politics from a guy who's likely to become a Pulitzer Prize winner, go to the voting booth and check the box next to David L. Williams. Tell ‘em Don sent ya.