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Bush praises FEMA’s treatment of rich people caught in CA wildfires

President George W. Bush visited the disaster scene left from California wildfires over the weekend and praised FEMA Director R. David Paulison for overseeing the effort to evacuate thousands of rich people from their burning mansions.

“Paulie, you’re doing a heck of a job,” said Bush, who was relieved when told his Texas ranch was not in line of any of the twelve fires' paths. “The way you treated these fine, rich hippies is really beyond words.  These people had no one but Oprah to turn to, and you really made them feel at home.”   


A rich woman received a massage next to the portable pool brought in to Qualcomm Stadium two weeks ago.
Paulison and thousands of volunteers helped turn Qualcomm Stadium, home of the San Diego Chargers, into part disaster relief center and part luxury hotel.  Once there was a chance the wildfires would affect California’s elite, the stadium was quickly equipped with a 100,000-gallon pool, a full-service salon and spa, a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center, and a Church of Scientology.

“It was just so nice to be able to get away from this tremendous tragedy and get a pedicure,” said Santa Monica resident Jennifer Jamison. “When I looked at my tone scale after the fire and couldn’t figure out whether I was a 1.02 or a 1.0, I was relieved Qualcomm was there for me.  I found a great new AA group as well.”

Bush said Paulison provided FEMA with a model on how to treat the nation’s wealthy citizens in time of need.

“If something ever happens to The Hamptons, we’ll know exactly what to do,” said Bush.