We Decide 2K7 - Governor of Kentucky
During time of environmental warfare, Fletch is right for Kentucky
While we normally would eschew direct political involvement in favor of a more nuanced approach to news, The Spotted Bass has decided to take this opportunity to endorse Kentucky Gov. Ernie Fletcher for another term. Today is Election Day, so get out there and cast your ballot for the Good Doctor.
Why, you may wonder, would The Spotted Bass endorse one of the state's most unpopular and corrupt governors for another four years? Simple: Fletcher's brand of hack partisanship is precisely what we need now in America.
These United States are in a Cold War, if you will, with climate change and environmental degradation. Though "scientists" argue that climate change is man-made, we here at The Spotted Bass happen to believe our own science: It is not. Therefore, we must assume that the environment has waged war against the United States. As such, we must be equipped to do battle, all the way to the bottom.
Casting a ballot for Ernie Fletcher will undoubtedly embolden Kentucky and America to win this battle of wills against the environment. It is imperative that we beat the earth to the punch and win the war toward climate change by hastening our own demise, so that the "environment" does not do it for us.
A vote for Fletcher is a vote for the apocalypse, and that's exactly what Kentucky needs right now.
In our quest to prevail over the environment in hastening the apocalypse, The Spotted Bass endorses a write-in candidate, Rick Pitino, for Secretary of State. We believe Pitino should be voted in on the simple condition that we are fairly certain he has no idea how to do the job, nor does he have any perceptible political experience.
These are key qualities in a Secretary of State during Gov. Fletcher's second term. For one, The Spotted Bass advocates for the abolition of the voting system in Kentucky, proposing instead that leaders be appointed by other leaders, and offices like Secretary of State be quickly abolished in a swift attempt to do away with the Old Guard. Taxpayer money will be saved without this and other essentially worthless offices — Attorney General, for starters, because we need less partisan investigating here in the Bluegrass, like what held us up for three of the past four years — and former-voter confidence will once again be enjoyed by Kentuckians who can trust their leadership to do what's best for them when they're not under the constant barrage of negativity that comes from the liberal, godless media.
Vote Pitino, the write-in, for Secretary of State, and put an end to getting up at 6 a.m. and heading to the polls on a cold Tuesday morning. Or at least it used to be cold.
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