God angry at Obrzut for wasting height

God lamenting Obrzut.

God expressed anger Thursday at Kentucky Wildcats’ center Lukasz Obrzut after the senior posted just a two-point, two-rebound performance against SEC foe Auburn on Wednesday night. “For the love of Me, how in My name can this ‘Woo’ kid average just a shade over two points and one rebound a game?” said God, breaking from His usual jovial self during the post-nondenominational holiday sales. “Jesus Christ, the kid’s over seven feet tall. What a waste.” God, who has a history of creating tall, awkward-looking white basketball players who never quite fulfill their potential, said He will “get it right the next time.”